This has been on my mind a little lately. But it took place 10 years ago. It’s a personal story of how religion poisons the minds of seemingly decent people.
I was 16 and suffice it to say, I began my first “long-term” relationship – 7 or 8 months. (I am not the type of girl who needs a boyfriend. I’ve had many single months and years. I am an only child and so developed a strong independence.) Anyway, I started dating a guy who told me he loved me before we started dating. I should have known that was a bad sign but he seemed very nice. He was also Catholic, did I forget to mention that? Now I was not an out atheist at the time but considered myself very liberal, agnostic, and a disbeliever in the afterlife. I was born to a Jewish family, who also happened to have a few more dollars than his. Not much, really. But for an insecure guy, it’s all he can focus on. He was a “super” senior at the time (yes, 19 and still trying to graduate). I was tutoring him in geometry (my least favorite math) that I had passed two years prior.
I’m sure the fact that I was a better student or my parents were well-off bothered him. It didn’t bother me. The verbal abuse entered the relationship slowly. He never said I was fat or ugly, not that type of abuse. It was subtle. Like jagged softly spoken words and hidden meanings. (The type that no other friends see.) I can’t really explain it, except that it fucked me up for a moment. I honestly believe that his anger and meanness stemmed from his view that I killed his savior. Religion was a hot topic then. I never said much, what could I say (as a Jew) that he wouldn’t retort. It’s easy for me to not care about Jesus.
His logic, in every sense of the term, was extremely flawed. For instance, he absolutely abhorred “drugs” but smoked cigarettes and drank. (Anyone who says marijuana is bad but cigarettes and alcohol are fine needs to do some research!) If Jesus did, in fact, exist I bet he was smoking with his homeboys. Moreover, he wouldn’t have sex before marriage. Sex? No, wait, I mean intercourse. Of course masturbation and oral sex are fine. When did the Pope make that announcement? He also blamed me for cheating on him when it was the furthest thing from my mind. And he never let up on it!
I have no actual proof that the abuse was a direct derivative of his religious beliefs, but I can tell you how they screwed up his mind. He even admitted (as hard as it was) how he painted a swastika on a building as a kid (How many buildings? I don’t know). It’s been 10 years, so forgive me if my details are fuzzy. It’s something that I tried hard not to remember for years. It came to me recently when I suddenly completely agreed with Christopher Hitchens‘ subtitle to God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything. I can’t wait to read the book (it’s on it’s way!).
As a Jew, I encountered anti-Jewish sentiment from a someone who told me he loved me (quite regularly). As an atheist, I feel it’s the same thing but even more difficult. It’s all about the “in” group and the “out” group and that mentality has to end! I never understood how in high school (and earlier) there are the self-appointed “popular” kids. That thinking, I suspect, comes from religious teachings If you’re not with us, you’re against us. It only stretches humanity further and further apart. In my school the populars were mostly Jewish kids (JAPs but not all rich), where in some schools the Jews are the outcast. I was an outcast (NOT because I was a Jew) because I didn’t like “the system”* from an early age and sought to fight it.
*”the system” I refer to can consist of religious conviction, but its not necessary. It’s the path we are expected to follow without disobedience. Birth, school (college a must!), work, marriage, children (if not, you’re worthless?), retirement (if you’re that lucky), and eventually death. But don’t worry, you’ll meet grandma in heaven so all will be good.
