Comments on: A woman’s last name

By: Valerie

Valerie — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 14:03:55 +0000

Rose, your reply to Cara was exactly what I was thinking as I read the post. As romantic as Cara’s husband’s speech may be, would he change his name to her maiden name? If not, then that is not an equal team.

My personal view is that because it is assumed, I’d rather not change my name. I’m married, and remember visiting an Accident and Emergency with my partner. We gave his details, then they asked my relation to him. I responded wife, and the receptionist swiftly typed in ‘Mrs ‘. I then had to explain that I was actually ‘Ms ‘. And then answer her and her nosy colleague’s questions about why. That’s reason enough not to change for me.

The one equal solution that we’ve thought of doing when/if we have kids, is to change both our names to something new. Of course, it wouldn’t reflect either of our heritages, but as a wife I would be expected to lose this anyway.

Final note: Did any of you watch the most recent Doctor Who finale? There was a point related to name changing which made me whoop!

By: Olivia

Olivia — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 01:03:13 +0000

Read this post on Friendly Atheist, and here’s my reason:

I’m not married, but I’m in a long-term relationship. He is 6th-generation born-and-bred in America, a mix of Northern European and has a very generic Irish last name. I am first generation Chinese-American. If we ever do get married, I don’t want to lose that part of my heritage. If I changed my last name, I would no longer be able to write my name in Chinese!

By: Rose Schwartz

Rose Schwartz — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 21:05:37 +0000

Cara, that reasoning your husband made sounds more like he’s the team captain. That may not be the case, but a name change in order to be a part of a “team” doesn’t seem very equal or fair.

By: Cara

Cara — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 20:39:19 +0000

Hi! I saw a post about this blog on the Friendly Atheist.

When I got married, I had pretty much decided to keep my last name. Apart from the hassle of relabeling and reapplying for all important legal documents, I felt I was established in my career field with my maiden name and I didn’t want to have to reintroduce myself to my colleagues. It seemed old fashioned to me to take his last name. Why bother, in this day and age?

However, when I asked my husband if it was important to him for me to take his last name, on a scale of one to five, he said without hesitation, “Five!” His explanation? Baby, I love you, I’m proud of you and I am so proud that you’ve decided to be my wife. When I introduce you to people, I want there to be no confusion that you and I are a team. I promise it will be the last time you ever have to change your name and I will make it worth your while.

When he put it that way… I was happy to make the change.

By: JM_Shep

JM_Shep — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 19:35:27 +0000

Hi! I came over from the Friendly Atheist, and I wanted to say something here. As a woman starting my career (which happens to be in science) I am beginning to start my career with my ‘maiden’ name. If/when I get married, deciding whether or not to take my potential husband’s name will depend on a few things:
1-Is it cooler? I have a pretty unique last name, so his better be cool to oust mine. Also, a hard to pronounce name is good for screening calls. If they can’t pronounce my last name, they don’t know me and want money from me.

2-Am I established in my field with my name? This is important. I have been published and will continue to publish with my name. How much will that affect my career? What if I’m teaching by then?

3-My desire to have one name to describe our cohesive family unit. Not important to me now, but will it be by the time I get married?

Hope that helps!